My Dear Pakistani
Thank you for your letter. I read it with great interest. Although it may not feel like it, but I am still as much interested in you and your homeland, as the day it was created. You may not know, but I really wished and willed it, through some great minds and millions of great and generous hearts, when I helped your forefathers create it. But that as they say is History and those who forget it are condemned to repeat it. If you know what I mean.
Only the other day Gabriel was saying to me that perhaps I take too much interest in you and your homeland. Still. You see there are many other great nations and people who deserve my help and attention; and dare I say, perhaps a lot more than you. Then there are billions of hungry, poor and deprived littered in this world around you. What makes you think they are any less deserving than you?
But you know what. I told Gabriel, that while everyone else is willing to use their brain and brawn, you, my dear Pakistani almost always leave ‘everything to me’. ‘Insha Allah’! Eh? You call upon my ‘Will’ more often in one single day than some of these whole nations change their underpants in a year. Oh boy. This made Gabriel laugh. He laughed so hard that he almost cried. And, I believe it has been at least 70,000 years since Gabriel laughed so much last time.
Sorry I digress. No I did not take your letter lightly. Actually I stopped my work in Orion and Menturion nebulas, put off supervising rescue in Alpha centurii, stopped creation work in Galaxy number 201 billion( sorry I have not named it yet) and had to take my eye off several other alternate universes. So important was your letter.
And you know why? Because your homeland was created as sign of love of your forefathers for my beloved Mohammad. Ahhh. I wish you could see. How ‘ bechain and muztriib’ he is. Poor Muhammad. All this because of you. But I would rather not interfere in what is your relationship with who you claim and cherish as your ‘beloved’. I only wish you knew what loving Muhammad meant?
Let me reassure you on my score though. I know your anguish. Your despair. Your pain. Your disappointments. Your cries. I know the darkness that surrounds you. I know it all. But I have created certain rules for life and universe. Surely you will not want me to break my own rules. Would you? I know I am Raheem and Kareem. But I am also Kahaar and Jabbar. So how do I reconcile? Well let me give you a hint. Normally I would not even do that. But then I can always make an exception. Especially for you my dear Pakistani.
Now think. What was the first word of the first Sura I revealed on Muhammad? Ehhh ? No my dear it was not Sura Fateh. It was Sura Allaq. And I started everything by saying. ‘ Read. Read in the name of thy Lord’. Do you get it? No? Hmmm. Lets try it again. What was the second Sura? Sorry ? No wrong again. It was not ‘Bakrah’ but ‘ Qalam’. Pen, my dear Pen. So there is a hint, if there ever was one to take. Read and Pen.
Sorry. What did you say? I am being difficult. Oh dear. You really don’t get it do you? Let me tell you a story of an ex-Pakistani. I say ex Pakistani because he is dead now and lives up here. It is a story of how he died? What? Oh yes he is fine and enjoying himself. But I am afraid its not ‘Houris’, as you may think , that has pleased him. It is the joy of ‘Self Discovery’ and knowing the ‘Ultimate Truth’. Oh never mind if you are not ready to understand it all yet.
Let me continue this story. Like you, this guy ‘ reallllly’ believed in me and was always saying his prayers and keeping his fast and going on about his business as most of you do, measuring your piety on the scale of ‘namaz and rooza’, rather than your conduct and person. ( BTW to define piety read the definition I gave in verse 177, Sura Bakrah. No idiot. Read the translation. I don’t expect you to understand Arabic . And please feel free to put it on facebook, my space , twitter and all that lot. What a wonderful invention internet is. You know I was triumphantly pointing it out to some of these angels who keep complaining about humanity. But then they have a point too. Look what you humans use internet for. Paedophilia, Pornography, violence, hate etc. ). Sorry I went on a tangent again.
So this guy was very pious, at least by your standards. And one day in monsoon, it rained and rained and might Indus was in a mood to sweep away it all in front of it. And so it did. In the process Indus swept away this guy’s village too. And while this all was happening, he was praying. Praying hard to me. To save him and rescue his ‘maal’. So on came the rescue teams with boats. But he would not go. He kept calling on me. And then came another rescue boat. And finally as he sat on the top of his house with mighty Indus roaring around him, a helicopter came and threw him a rope. But what did this idiot do? He kept looking up and calling me refusing to catch the rope and sail to safety.
Naturally he drowned and the poor man shell shocked woke up and made an abbbsolute scene. So much so that the angles had to cancel a Scrabble contest (scrabble in angelic language is fantastic beyond words but more of that another time). They were very annoyed. But there was no consoling this guy. So he was brought to me. There I was and as son he saw my Form, he went mad accusing me of betraying him. I calmed him down and asked what the matter was. He said ‘O Lord. How could you betray me? I called upon you again and again surrounded by Indus waters and instead of saving me here I am. Is this the fate of those who believe in you and pray all the time?’
I nearly felt like name-calling him with the most famous of Pakistani abusive slang (yes, yes the one which suggests dishonourable incestuous relationship), but I could not stoop to that level. So I simply said ‘Well Sir I did send three boats and a helicopter. Surely you did not expect me to come down in person to save you? Did you?’. I think he got my point and has settled in now.
So there you have it. My dear Pakistani. You can make of it what you want. And before I go may I also remind you how you change the world? Remember Noah and his ARK. Yes Noah saved the world and all that was in it with his one ARK. Yes One ARK. Yes. ‘One Act of Random Kindness’, at a time.
So Chao. And as Vulcans say. Live Long and Prosper.
Sorry? What did you say?
Who are Vulcans?
Ohhhhh. I give up.